Lash Out: Falsies From Make Up For Ever

I was in Sephora yesterday and paused to admire Make Up For Ever's delightfully ostentatious false eyelashes. They're very Cabaret/ Paris Is Burning. Since I don't hang out in WWII-era Berlin speakeasies, and I don't Vogue, I don't really have where to wear them, yet still, I covet.

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Beauty Buys That Blow!

Styledash has the 12 beauty products that basically suck, according to TotalBeauty.com.

The funny thing is, I actually use about four of them. Here's their take versus mine, which is obviously far superior, because it is.


Smashbox Lip-Enhancing Gloss
Their beef: "Color only lasts through a half-hour commute, and it's hard to ignore the plastic aroma and grainy texture while you're wearing it."
My take: I agree that it doesn't last long, but I have their True Color gloss in Protege, and it's a perfect non-megawatt simple neutral gloss for daywear. And I disagree about any funky texture or smell of yuk.


Revlon Tourmaline Ionic 1875 Watt Hairdryer
Their beef: "... don't let buzz words like 'ionic' and 'ceramic' seduce you into buying it. Bad design and bogus claims had me ready to go back to the louder, heavier Elchim 1800. Despite having multiple settings, this dryer's heat was too intense and its frizz-fighting 'Ion Select Dial' futile."
My take: I agree that there's not much super ionic or tourmalinic (???) about this dryer, but it absolutely fights frizzos (and I should know), and it gets lotsa points for its lack of jet-engine-blast volume. And hello -- it's $35. Perf.


Redken All Soft Gold Glimmer Perfecting Shine Treatment
Their beef: "'Shine treatment' brings a serum texture to mind, but this was a thicker, gel-like goo infused with golden flecks. When sparingly applied from hair ends to mid-shaft, you can expect to get some separation and added texture -- which is odd because it's meant to soften and add shine to hair. (It didn't.)
My take: WTF? I absolutely adore this product. It's a frizz-fighting WEAPON OF FUCKING MASS DESTRUCTION! And it adds an overwhelming amount of shine with a minimal amount of gooey goopiness. The only thing I agree with here is yes, it does smell like a tropical isle. Which rules.


Maybelline New York Define-A-Lash Washable Lengthening Mascara
Their beef: "A mascara that promises "zero clumps" with "stunning length" and "clean definition" at this price sounds too good to be true -- and it is. The reason it doesn't clump? The formula is so thin, you'll need at least two coats to get decent lash definition. Then it starts clumping."
My take: Um, did we use the same product? Yes, this is a VERY thin mascara -- I'll give them that. And you need to use about four coats, not two. BUT, it's an indispensable tool for lengthening, lifting and separating. It's the Wonderbra of mascaras, if you will. I use it as a base and then add a thicker mascara on top of it for maximum effectage. Next to Maybelline's sub par, super-overhyped Great Lash mascara, this thing Speaking of thickening mascara -- I used to use Benefit's Bad Gal mascara, which nearly gives you Tammy Faye Baker eyes, in an awesome way, until my sister and I both concluded -- it ends up migrating from your eyelashes to your undereyes by COB, no matter what. Boo. So now I'm kind of back on the market as far as thickening mascaras go.


Anyway, tell us which beauty products you love/hate/feel indifference/ blind rage toward.

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Runway Recap: Chanel Ready-to-Wear Spring 2008

Schizophrenia! Rizzo! Stars and stripes! Bondage! Boredom! Prostitution! Grey Gardens! Granny knits! Coogi! White people in racist country clubs (I don't think there was ONE non-pale-skinned model in that show! Wait. There was like one Asian or something. But COME ON!) The movie Overboard! No, it's not a shortlist of Britney's faults and favorite things. These are what look to be the much-too-many inspirations behind the Chanel's dizzingly unfocused 2008 RTW collection.

Check out the denim pieces; instead of making you go to the trouble of tracking down some blinding acid, pouring it into a bucket and dunking your head in, they've done that for you. Thanks, Uncle Karl! Enjoy the parade of atrocities!

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Absurdly Cute Wood-Print Zipper Pouches That I Am Kvelling Over

LOOK at what immensely talented artist, blogger and Etsyer The Black Apple just stitched up in time for Palentine's Day: absurdly cute l'il pouches made from woodgrain-print fabric. To make matters even more eye-meltingly cute cutilly cuters, she done went and added teensy squirrely friends in love, sharing amorous convo in French over a heart-shaped acorn. I mean COME ON. It barely gets cuter than that. (Except, of course, for my awesome cat Rory, but just barely at this point, because he scratched me the other day, so he's temporarily on my shit list.)

Anyway, they're not posted in her Etsy shop yet, but I pray she does so with a quickness!

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Dear Boyfriend,

These.



Yayoi Inada earrings, $125.

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What Are You Wearing? Me: Anna Sui

No, this isn't a phone-sex-related post. Instead, I was inspired by a post by Fashionista entitled "Do You Smell Your Age?" Not as "can you smell how old you are?" but as in "is your fragrance age-appropriate?" An important question.

Today I'm kickin' it fruity and floral in Anna Sui's Sui Love -- I'm a big fan of Anna's fragrances, and this was my most recent and third purchase (I succumbed to my love of packaging and got Dolly Girl a few months back for its sweet little French-looking pink lady head bottle, and I've worn her signature "Anna Sui" fragrance for nigh on a decade now.)

Anna's peeps refer to Sui Love as a fragrance that:

"evokes a melodic symphony of one heart to another. Bergamot and passion fruit with jasmine and white rose unfold the rapture of vanilla and ambrette seed to awaken the sensual and spellbinding climax of love's fragrance."

Um, well, I guess agree, yet I'm sorry to report that I didn't immediately erupt into a perfume-induced orgasm after a mere spritz. But the passion fruit and citrus are sweet yet surprisingly light (waaaaaay lighter than the musky "Anna Sui.") despite its moderate spice factor. And I know, it's sort of counterintuitive to wear a summery fragrance in the dead of winter, but that's kinda the point.

Oh yeah, and since we here at the 'Binge like to "keep our costs down," if you will (and I seriously will), I'm pleased to report that the largest size is under $50.00

Oh, but so speaking of age, the wise women of Makeupalley.com (I CANNOT recommend this site enough, by the way, both for the breadth of its reviews and because you can SWAP products, which is exactly how I got this fragrance and Dolly Girl. You know -- because I ain't rich, kay?) collectively pretty much agree that this is a teen-to-early twenties fragrance! Me, I'm in my late twenties. (VERY late twenties, specifically). Which means... i just got an average of, like seven years younger!

Anyway, I pose three questions:

1.) What fragrance are you wearing today?

2.) Approximately how old do you "smell"? (Hee!)

3.) Disregarding the first and more obvious answer of "Who cares?"... Do you think it's ok to wear "younger" fragrances, or is it shitty?


DISCUSS!

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B And C And J Are For Boring Clover Jewelry

I'm sorry, but this whole Van Cleef & Arpels Alhambra clover jewelry phase -- you know: that clover line that Heidi Klum knocked off for Mouawad and then got pissed off when everyone else knocked off her knockoffs AND Van Cleef & Arpels'? You've seen the necklace a billion, trillion times on Reese Witherspoon -- has got to end (and Marisa, if you're reading this, we love and miss you!). Don't get me wrong, Van Cleef & Arpels makes some of the most stunning pieces on the planet. (I especially love their vintage brooches). And maybe the Alhambra clovers had more meaning when they were first introduced by the company in the 1960s. But today, the ubiquitous clovers are just overly preppy and a bit of a snoooooooooooze. They're just so soccer mom-y, which I guess Reese sorta is but in a good way, because it's better than being a soccer mom in a Posh Spice way, right?



(Photos: Getglamorous, Shefinds, Celebwarship respectively)

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More Proof Docs May Be On The Rebound (Unfortunately)

GAH! Trend Central is starting to get behind the impending return of Doc Martens! Ugh. If these Palladiums (soooooooo '90s!) are any harbinger, I guess I'd rather go with Docs. Though barely.

($120, Doc Martens, Zappos)

Whatsnextblog.com tracked down these pink lacy lace-ups yet erroneously referred to them at gotta-have-ems. They make me wanna gouge my eyes out. Unless I see them on Hayley from Paramore -- I'm sorry, but she's adorable.


More Doc stuff:
+ Free People pats itself on the back via its blog (!?!?!?!?) for carrying them. Zzz.
+ Docs fired Saatchi + Saatchi London for its some-might-say-tasteless ads depicting dead rockers in Docs. (Um, teeee!)
+ The New York Times already called it a month. Me = late to the party, clearly, but not buying it. I'm still barely able to wrap my head around the rebirth of Keds.

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TRAINSPOTTING! These Are The (Bizarrely Dressed) People In Your Neighborhood

I stepped onto the train yesterday, and every other person was miraculously and bizarrely dressed like an extra in a student art film.


I don't get it. This girl was absolutely adorable -- she looked like a more pixie-esque Natalie Portman. So WTF is up with this assault of color blocks, geometrical patterns and NEON tights!??! If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say she was on her way to American Apparel. For more tights, of course.


Speaking of hazardous...
Look, it's really fucking cold out. I get that. You can't hate on wanting to stay warm. And I too have a super-warm comfy jacket, and when the temperature drops below a certain level, I could almost care less that I look like a walking sleeping bag. BUT, mine is NOT in a color you could see from space, and this thing was more like an king-sized comforter, and it was in that shiny, wet-look breed of polyester. She looked like a giant orange shiny parking cone. For SHAME!



This isn't a morts. It's just a LOL. AND IT'S TRUE! It's in the dressing room at the Park Slope Beacon's Closet, where I got an awesome sweater that I'm too lazy to photograph.

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No No No, Noki!

These nightmarish photos are from trashion designer�s Noki�s Spring '08 show this past September at London�s Fashion East, which takes place during London Fashion Week and showcases emerging designers.
















Noki is 36-year-old club kid (uhhhhhh� you think?) Jonathan �JJ� Hudson, who�s trying very hard to do that unbelievably tired assumed anonymity thing. Maybe because his work is so. freaking. cheesy. Apparently, when he appears in public, it's usually only in one of his signature surgical masks. (So SARS!) His House of Sustainability collection -- shown above, reviewed here and discussed here -- is made from a bunch of um, old junk, and is not for sale (as if you�d WANT to look like Rainbow Brite on meth?). Instead, he encourages you to copy his look. Again, if you want to look like a tweaked-out anime character covered in graffiti and shame.

I�m sorry, but this is some bass-ackwards Project Runway �Unleash your inner demons� thrift store experiment gone hideously, horribly, unreasonably awry. It�s like someone tossed a bomb through the window of Heatherette and then brutally massacred Hot Topic atop the flaming pyre. This is like some broke-ass overzealous art schooler�s ill-advised tribute to Leigh Bowery. This is like why you shouldn�t let members of the Insane Clown Posse design your Spring collection. This makes Gareth Pugh (who also rose to superstar status after his Fashion East show) look like Margaret Thatcher. Um, let�s see. What else? This looks like some bored emo kids broke into Barbie and the Rockers� wardrobe and went craycray with the cuttin� and the pastin� and the embellishin�. This is why you shouldn�t Dumpster dive behind House of Field while drunk.

Dude. We GET it. You�re REBELLING. You LOVE to deconstruct. And you�re MAKING LOTS OF STATEMENTS and stuff. You�re totally PLAYING WITH GENDER ROLES and PERCEPTIONS and you�re RECLAIMING fashion by REVITALIZING vintage pieces and making them YOUR OWN. You�re probably REALLY INTO POST-MODERNISM! But really? Masks are for Halloween. And cotton candy wigs are best left to drag queens and troll dolls. Clubbing died with the �90s! Less is more! SO much more! So please� less?

I�m all for being green and using and wasting less and hanging onto to old clothes and repurposing them or whatever but NOT at the expense of looking like a deranged party clown, brah.

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Dear Prez Bush: Please Hurry Up With That Economic Stimulus Plan -- Or -- Reasons I Need, Like, $350

($348, Marc By Marc Jacobs, Saks)

Dear President Bush,

I realize that you probably don't read Fashionbinge. You probably don't read much of anything at all. And, while we're sharing, I'll confess: I didn't vote for you, brah. Not either time. In fact, I'm really not such a huge fan of your "work" (or lack thereof) in general. But, one thing before you go -- I'd be SOOOO appreciative if you could step it up with that economic stimulus package. I've illustrated the reason why (Marc By Marc Jacobs silk scarf dress in gorgeous magenta with regal purple throughout) with the above photo.

Okay. Please make this happen.

Sincerely,
Tamron Lohan


PS: Also, maybe please consider pulling out of Iraq? Like two years ago? If you could get to that first and THEN the $350, that'd be great. Thanks. My name is Tamron Lohan, and I approve of this post.

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Solestruck Sale

A few feet treats from the Solestruck sale:



Sam Edelman "Celine" skimmer, $59.95. I have been waiting for this shoe to go on sale my entire life, it feels like. Now that it has, I might just buy two pairs. Whee!



Guess "Ivar" patent-leather birdcage flats, $49.95. Don't we all need more flats, after all?



Seychelles "Old Fashioned" leather pumps, $74.95. The interesting cutouts and slightly iridescent steely blue really make this stand out from your average pump. Me likey.



Jeffrey Campbell "Tea" strappy sandal, $44.95.



These aren't on sale, but I love them anyway. Seychelles "With a Twist" suede pumps, $79.95.





Finally, the Vans Classic Slip-On, $34.95, is coming in some sweet colors and patterns these days. I'm torn between the tan checks and the yellow snapdragons. Think I might go semi-classic and get the checks. Paired with a miniskirt and a t-shirt, it's so perfect for a summer Saturday spent walking around the neighborhood, checking out stoop sales. Can you tell I'm sick of winter?

Also: Free shipping! Yay!

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