Not That I Really Want To Think About Swimwear At This Point, But...

I mean, blah blah blah love your body and get breast exams and shit, but honestly, at this point in the season, I'd probably rather get a couple consecutive Paps than go bathing suit shopping. But that doesn't keep me from Windows shopping (GET IT????). Lame, I know. Onto the suits...

I just found out about swim line Red Carter. I likes what I sees!

(Red Carter, Tropi-Ties.com)

Looks like this one, the "Nouvelle," isn't available until later this month. Worth waiting for, I opine!

(Red Carter, Tropi-Ties.com)

This one -- the "Straight Arrow," is also TK, as we say in "the biz"... the biz of saying things. Can you handle the arrow pointing toward and away from your "choche"? (It rhymes with "encroach," in case you were wondering, and Daddy Likey inspired that one. It kind of almost reminds me of the Most Amazing Bikini Ever Created -- Kara Janx's fear-ocious tigerkini, which is on super-duper sale (in size L) here:

($60, Kara Janx, Azaeleasnyc.com)Good kitty. Down, girl!

($92, Carter Red, Bluefly.com)

Subtle but not boring! By the way, Bluefly just launched a new something-or-other called B*fly -- looks basically just like a site-within-a-site, designed to help you wade through the grammaw stuff and find the cute stuff faster. Okay then.

($115, Shoshanna, Nordstrom)

($66, Shoshanna, Nordstrom)

Shoshanna deserves mad big-boob props -- she designs for a wonderfully realistic range of weird cup-age, fruit-inspired body shapes and other various real-woman issues of disproportion. While the top of this suit does go all the way up to 36DDD, I really couldn't it being right for a busty broad. Nevertheless, this is an adorable pick (love the sunny mid-century diamonds!), and, as previously stated, Shoshanna is great for stylish, smart, supportive suits in an impressive range of sizes. I have two bikinis by her that I love. Get some.

(Top: $38, Bottom: $38, Billabong, Urban Outfitters)

Cute. A mass-market version of that ubi-quit-ous Elie Saab floral dress?

(Elie Saab, RTW 2008)

(Top: $9.99; Bottom: $9.99, Old Navy)
Easy, cute.

($98, Urban Outfitters)

I like me a nice one-piece. This one's flirty-cute, and it's got a lot of coverage, which isn't necessarily bad; modesty's not just for Mormons, you know! Oh yeah, also: Urban Outfitters promo code: 10% off your online order: PICKAWINNER, expires May 10, 2008.

($88, Coco Reef, Dillards)

Classic and class-y! This chick looks like Eva Longoria and J.Lo at the same time.

($100, DKNY, Dillards)

This one comes with the sash -- but not with the resistance ball. So if you want to wear your bathing suit outside on the way to the gym, you need to get BYORB. Anyway, the understated stripes are gorgeously offset by the fun-in-the-sun orange, (tee! Women's magazine writing!) LAYYYYDEEEEZE! I really do love this though. It's like the embodiment of Roy Lichtenstein's "Girl With Ball."


Night, lovelies! I'm off to catch some zois.

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Tripping On Acid (-Washed Jeans)

Y'all, true-confessions time: I don't do any illegal drugs. Nothing. Not even the wizard. Nothing against it, really. I'm not like str8 edge or anything. I just don't enjoy it. And I hate the smell of "drugs." I really do. As a teenager, I worked too hard on accepting my nose to put up anything up it or risk ruining it at this point. And I'd rather spend money on designer finishing powder than the other kinda designer powder. Plus, growing up, I was "that kid" who totally believed that after, like, merely GLANCING at trace residue of any narcotic, I'd pull a Helen Hunt like in the infamous made-for-TV-movie Desperate Lives, where she flies out a third-story window, Superman styley, after like a milligram of PCP. And now I'm pretty much "that adult." And my drug of choice is carbs.

Anyway, to my knowledge, I have never ingested acid or any other hallucinogenic drug (except for Sparks). But right now I question whether or not I am currently tripping my face off, because I just bought a pair of acid-washed jeans:

($68, Lux, Urban Oufitters)

I am not positive what I will wear with them, but I will make it my mission to wear them thoughtfully and tastefully, with honor and integrity, to cherish and respect them all my days (can you tell I've been to two weddings so far this month?) Seriously, the intent is here is not to dress up like a one-woman '80s parade, but to perhaps wear them in lieu of skinny black jeans, with a nice solid, neutral-colored Tee, perhaps. Or with a wine-colored Tee. With some nude heels. See? A nice mix of the greatest hits of yesterday and today!

I'm sure some of you out there are recoiling in horror, but fuck that. They're gonna rule. We'll see. You'll see! Whatever, HATERS! (God. This must be how Kanye feels!... Funny side note: my dad calls him "Conway.")

More acid-washed jeans:

($69, Furst Premium Denim, LF Stores)

Earlier this month, in my obsessive cigarette jeans post, I blogged about how these acid-washed Furst Premium Denim 1820s at LF were trying to holla at me, but at $174, I was not about to hollar back. Well, thanks to the magic of SMS, I received a a text from MK on Saturday informing me that LF is having their one-and-only sale of the year (seriously, how do you just have ONE sale??), and everything in the joint is 60% off.

MK does not lie. Anyway, I tried them on in a size 29, which must be more like a size 4/6, (I'm about an 8/10) because it was Sausage City. So, no go, bro. A chick who works there told me that the 1820s are Furst's slimmest/ skinniest cut, and she also weren't telling a lie. I think the 30s would've even been too tight. So, that's when I harnessed the power of the Innernets and found those Urban acid-washed. Done! But yeah, if you're an 8 or under, check out those deals on Fursts at LF. They're almost all sold out at the Court Street locay, but it looks like they're in stock online.

($77, Sass & Bide, Bluefly)

These are a Lucky Shops exclusive. I'm not sure what that has to do with Bluefly, but I'm pretty sure I tried on a pair of Sass & Bide jeans at the Lucky Shops event, and they ruled. I sorta really want these. They're a nice mix of acid-wash and grey, without too much of the former. And a great price for Sass & Bide.

($265, Casette, MadisonLosAngeles.com)
These are fairly hot but also fairly 'speners.


($330, Grey Ant, Tobi.com)

Brown acid = the sophisticated PhD. to your master's-level black acid-wash.


Also, back on the LF sale tip, I swooped down on those Jeffrey Campbell ombre heels:
Were: $120.
Got 'em for: $48. I don't think they're online (boo), but there were a few pairs at the court Street LF.

While I was there, I also picked up:

($15.20, Adia Kibur, LFStores.com)

I'd been <3-ing these for a while in black. Then they went on sale and I opted for the bottom bronzey brown ones instead.

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