A Tale of Two, If Not Sometimes Three, Mascaras

While MKHo may not be a beauty blogger, I am a little bit of one myself. Therefore, please enjoy a completely overlong post about one of my all-time favorite beauty products, mascara! Wee!

The other day, I was celebrating the fact that it was like 7p.m. on a Tuesday or something equally as irrelevant, and I impulsively decided I REALLY DESERVED to buy myself something. (Un-)fortunately I work about 30 seconds from a Sephora.

Due to the fact that, like a magpie, I am attracted to any and all forms of shiny packaging, I swooped down on Urban Decay's Big Fatty Mascara:

($19, Urban Decay)

The wand is basically the size of a fucking toilet bowl brush. Unfortunately, this mascara completely sucks. Nothing showed up at all. I even thought I'd perhaps gotten a faulty, dried-up one. I read a review somewhere that said this mascara is good for "the natural look," and I can only imagine that refers to the look of WEARING NO MASCARA AT ALL. I took advantage of Sephora's open-arms exchange policy -- you can return anything if you're not completely satisfied, which I wasn't. So I did!

In its stead, I got Diorshow:

($24, Dior, Macys)

Ah, the redoubted Diorshow. I was sooooo ready to believe the hype. And the first few tests, it was okay (maybe I just REALLY wanted to believe) -- it definitely lengthens -- but after a few repeated uses, BOOOO Dior! WTF? J'clump!!! Definitely a lot of thick coverage, but zero separation -- it did that thing where it made major clumps at the center of my lashes and then made them look stringy-string-McStrung-out at the tips. Boo for reals.

Oh, and before I forget:
+ Free shipping over $25 at Sephora with promo code B388C2, through April 30.
+ Also, did you know you can return any and all beauty products to CVS if you're not feelin' it? It's true!

Anyway, back to the mascara:
... So, just yesterday, my sister came to visit. Every time we see each other after having not seen each other for months, we first act a'fool about how much we wuv each other. Then, we go into giddy-overdrive mode over mascara. She reminded me how much she loves CoverGirl's Lash Blash (the one that looks like a small orange sex toy), and I was so glad she did:

($6.79, CoverGirl, CVS)

Huge, right? But even more importantly, hugely effective. It's perfect on its own (after a few coats of course -- please stop kidding yourself if you think any one mascara can do it all in just one coat. Do you give your walls JUST ONE coat of paint? No. Unless you're a crappy slacker.) or as a base -- I'd also completely forgotten my own trick -- find a great separating mascara, use it as a base to hit as many individual hairs as possible that the slightly clumpier mascaras can't deal with, and then layer with a bolder mascara over that. Yeah, it's a little extra time, but so is dealing with those crappy lash brushes which never really end up working.

But, you don't have to take my word for it -- some Lash Blash reviews:
+ Makeup Alley
+ Makeup Moxie
+ Makeup Minute
+ The Makeup Girl <---- impressive before and after photo!

I also remembered how much I like MAC's Zoom Lash mascara: ($11, MAC)

A VERY thick (think mud) mascara. For $11, t'aint (hee) bad, but I don't advise it on its own -- instead, use it as a top coat over a solid separating mascara like Maybelline's Define-A-Lash, which is the Bentley Continental GT of separating but the mid-to-late '80s LeBaron of volumizing:



PS: Non-sequitur, yes, and I know I'm like the 23rd person to tell you this today, but Muxtape is awesome.
MU

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Beauty Buys That Blow!

Styledash has the 12 beauty products that basically suck, according to TotalBeauty.com.

The funny thing is, I actually use about four of them. Here's their take versus mine, which is obviously far superior, because it is.


Smashbox Lip-Enhancing Gloss
Their beef: "Color only lasts through a half-hour commute, and it's hard to ignore the plastic aroma and grainy texture while you're wearing it."
My take: I agree that it doesn't last long, but I have their True Color gloss in Protege, and it's a perfect non-megawatt simple neutral gloss for daywear. And I disagree about any funky texture or smell of yuk.


Revlon Tourmaline Ionic 1875 Watt Hairdryer
Their beef: "... don't let buzz words like 'ionic' and 'ceramic' seduce you into buying it. Bad design and bogus claims had me ready to go back to the louder, heavier Elchim 1800. Despite having multiple settings, this dryer's heat was too intense and its frizz-fighting 'Ion Select Dial' futile."
My take: I agree that there's not much super ionic or tourmalinic (???) about this dryer, but it absolutely fights frizzos (and I should know), and it gets lotsa points for its lack of jet-engine-blast volume. And hello -- it's $35. Perf.


Redken All Soft Gold Glimmer Perfecting Shine Treatment
Their beef: "'Shine treatment' brings a serum texture to mind, but this was a thicker, gel-like goo infused with golden flecks. When sparingly applied from hair ends to mid-shaft, you can expect to get some separation and added texture -- which is odd because it's meant to soften and add shine to hair. (It didn't.)
My take: WTF? I absolutely adore this product. It's a frizz-fighting WEAPON OF FUCKING MASS DESTRUCTION! And it adds an overwhelming amount of shine with a minimal amount of gooey goopiness. The only thing I agree with here is yes, it does smell like a tropical isle. Which rules.


Maybelline New York Define-A-Lash Washable Lengthening Mascara
Their beef: "A mascara that promises "zero clumps" with "stunning length" and "clean definition" at this price sounds too good to be true -- and it is. The reason it doesn't clump? The formula is so thin, you'll need at least two coats to get decent lash definition. Then it starts clumping."
My take: Um, did we use the same product? Yes, this is a VERY thin mascara -- I'll give them that. And you need to use about four coats, not two. BUT, it's an indispensable tool for lengthening, lifting and separating. It's the Wonderbra of mascaras, if you will. I use it as a base and then add a thicker mascara on top of it for maximum effectage. Next to Maybelline's sub par, super-overhyped Great Lash mascara, this thing Speaking of thickening mascara -- I used to use Benefit's Bad Gal mascara, which nearly gives you Tammy Faye Baker eyes, in an awesome way, until my sister and I both concluded -- it ends up migrating from your eyelashes to your undereyes by COB, no matter what. Boo. So now I'm kind of back on the market as far as thickening mascaras go.


Anyway, tell us which beauty products you love/hate/feel indifference/ blind rage toward.

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