That's a Wrap?!

Who doesn't love DVF wrap dresses? It's the thing she's famous for, so classic, flattering, etc. BUT what was she thinking with this unfortunate "wrap" bag??

And you have to drop $900 for this ill-considered item! It's bad enough that so many designers these days feel the need to adorn bags with "belts," now this? What's next? I rue the day when bags have, like, plunging necklines, bubble hems, or other accessories stuck to them. Although, now that I think about it, Marc Jacobs already did that�to weird and wonderful effect. This, just: no.

That said, I bet you could use an influx of cash to buy some dresses. Well, DVF is having a contest in which you could win a $5,000 DVF shopping spree, a trip to NYC, and a chance to have a seat at the 2009 DVF fashion show. Like the best contest, this one is merit-based: Just write an essay on the inspirational women in your life. Go here to enter. We'd do it, but we're lazy.

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Marc Jacobs "Backward" Heel And Other Terrible Ideas

Marc Jacobs has lost what's left of his skinny little mind. At least he MUST have if these ass-backwards heels from his Spring 2008 RtW collection. The show itself was a completely vague abstraction with very few literal pieces, so at least these baffling shoes were in keeping with that esoteric theme, but will they play in Peoria?? Probably not when they'd hardly even play on Prince Street. It's like being caught mid-fall or something. They're like the shoe version of that cliched "inverted human/ Quasimoto" model pose where the girl contorts herself so that her upper body is completely concave. Because THAT'S HIGH FASHION! Marc-y Marc, make like we wish Amy Winehouse would, and put down the pipe.

Let's take a look at some other high-deas!

($250, Laurie Jacobs' Spiky Bras)

I don't know if you noticed, but there are little frogs or bugs or both on top of these blowfish, which are also a bra.

(Kropserkel)

At least were created by special effects creators. But it's just a matter of time before sportswear explodes and we start seeing futuristic chastity belts made of rubber on the catwalks. (It is kinda Y-3.)

($289, James Piatt)

This handbag is called the "Pursuader," though it doesn't need to be called that to persuade me me that you voted Republican!

(Qian Jiang)

What you're looking at is a necklace and a condom AND an ashtray. It's not one, nor two but ALL THREE of those things together! So you can hold your butt close to your chest.

Okay, we GET IT. You're NOT a virgin.


Finally, let's see some of those Bellybutton-meet-spine-spine-meet-bellybutton poses. They're usually accompanied by shocked or angry expressions -- I'd be angry too if I were trying to push my lower intestine out through my ass crack -- but I couldn't find any of those, so these will have to suffice instead.

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